A letter from November 13th, 2016

Dear FutureMe, Yesterday was veterans day and I spent some time on YouTube watching military homecoming videos. It was touching to watch little kids, husbands, and wives embrace their loved ones for the first time since deployment. High speed tech/telecom have made it easier for everyone to communicate (I'm writing this from my bed on a brand new Motorola smartphone) but there is no substitute for the human touch. Watching those videos triggered something in me because it's before 8am on a Saturday and I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. A friend asked me a couple months ago if i ever cry and for the most part the answer is no but today is different. Those videos had a direct effect on my subconscious and there has been a constant stream of tears for more than 10minutes. I had a dream that my dad and I lost my mom in a man made lake. I was around 10 years old and we were all goofing around in the water at a lakehouse/vacation home. Somehow my mom got separated while swimming and was caught in a current (do man made lakes even have currents??). Well this one did and we searched and couldn't find her. I even spontaneously developed aquaman swim powers while trying to search. Still, we couldn't find her Weird enough we found a community official to drain it quickly (via a giant emergency button) and she made it. The man made lake apparently had a drain button like a pool and it drained like pools do in cartoons. It took about 10 seconds. (dreams are weird) What I remember from the dream, besides the fear that she died, was the feeling of thankfulness and relief when she made it. It seemed so similar to what the military families experienced when reunited. The tears were raw emotion. I vaguely remember my parents conversation as they hugged. Mom said that my dad was the best thing that ever happened to her. (I don't know how my subconscious came up with that, as I think of my dad now as a largely emotionally broken and physically crippled 60yr old man) but it was powerful to hear those words. In my dream I couldn't help but get in the middle, hug them both, and begin to cry happy tears. Not the kind of tears when you win something or accomplish a goal. not the kind that the cubs had after winning the world series this year. they were the kind that the fans had. the ones who litereally were waiting their whole life to see. the fans who were visiting gravesites of parents and grandparents and leaving a cubs flag or two. I felt the kind of emotion you see in hospitals, airports,military homecoming videos, and cemeteries. When I woke up and realized that the embrace never happened, and never was going to happen, there were some silent tears. This time the tears were different. no raw emotion exiting through the eyes. Just the familiar empty feeling. the sorrow felt for your younger brothers who really missed out on having a mother. the solemn pain that has become such a part of you because everything was such a surprise and you never had a chance to say goodbye. anyway, yes, i do have emotions. yes, the happy far outnumber the sad and i'm thankful for that because aftershocks of the sad seem to stick around for so much longer. be well future me and take care. you are strong. Greg