Life in the Past

It's 2009. I'm sitting in the armchair of my current shared apartment. Who knows if I'll even be alive in 2020 to read this. Although if it's being read, that wouldn't be true would it? I know for a fact, however, that things will be completely different if I am still perpetuating a conscious experience in the future... Let's run through the basics: -I'm a Pantheist -I'm an Independant (registered democrat...) -I still have yet to experience an altered state of consciousness through an entheogen. -I'm currently attending college (my freshman year). -It's 12:06am on October 2nd. -I don't have a girlfriend -I wish to travel and experience different cultures and live in different parts in the world. -I start work at coleman's (the irish pub) this saturday. I'll be a busser. Life is a little strenuous right now. I don't have a job just yet, I've been slacking off in school, I have to walk four miles to school every morning, I don't have my license yet... among other annoyances. I know things will fall into place... even though I don't. Maybe when I read this in 2020 I'll know the answer. I don't know how to describe myself. I suppose I can start by saying I'm still trying to learn what it means to be a man, but most of it still doesn't make sense. What does it truly mean to be a man? What makes one? Do I need to have something to live for in order to be granted this "amazing" title? Honestly, it seems inconspicuous... mainly because I know that when I try to find out something about myself, I can't. I learned early in life that when you go looking for something like that, it fails to reveal itself. It's one of those things that finds it's way to you. I'm very interested in the use of psychedelics for spiritual purposes. It seems to break down the very essence of reality from what I've researched about it. I'm very much into Quantum Mechanics, Physics, Herbalism, Travel, and other geeky scientific things. These ideologies I posses have formed my spiritual beliefs. I currently think as follows: -Reality is Perception -The universe exists through consciousness. In other words, life itself is the universe becoming "aware" of it's existence and it's environment. Forming the basic structure of the mind and conceptual reality. - I find it very difficult to postulate and form coherent ideologies. Words seem inadequate in almost every circumstance. I always know what I mean, but i can't convey my beliefs to anyone easily through speech... I hope to overcome that. -Money complicates the world. And while it's deemed a necessity in modern day life (as well as being the bloodstream of an economic based society), it honestly harbors materialistic values and fills the world with greed and injustice. Same with religion. -Religion (the focal point being Abrahamic based ones) [stands to separate the Human Species from nature. It allows for horrible injustices to occur in the name of a divine pursuit] (quoting the ZeitGeist movement). In simpler terms, it's great if religion makes people comfortable with their existence... but ignorance can only get people so far. It's time to think outside the box. I hope Life is good to me in the future. Although... there is only an eternal present. The past and the future exist within the mind... along with everything else. Don't be deceived. Conquer in life. Hold on to your dreams and keep them with you till death. It's all anyone really has anyway. See you in 2020!