A letter from April 24th, 2017

Dear FutureMe, I am not in a good place. I have been alone again this weekend, a particularly long one, and it is really terrible. I have complete freedom as in no curfew or limitations on my actions which I imagine some 18 year olds might envy. But it is horrible to be this free and have little responsibility besides yourself. I wish I could get myself out of bed, moving, volunteering, or working. I cannot somehow. I am very selfish. And self absorbed. But these things come along with the wonders of spending a great deal of time alone. I don't know why it is so hard lately. Another wave of the d-word? I don't dare say. First, I was crying a lot. Now I am mostly numb. Which is worse? I don't know, all I can do is complain. There's little to look forward to besides the fall. And that is so far away I have no clue what to do in between and thinking about it gives me a headache I am so nervous! I will be useless the next few months I guess all I know is that if I spend more time alone I will go insane. I can't do it. And yet I isolate myself. Man I know it won't be like this in September. I will be living with other people for good, in small spaces. So that's something to hold on to. But what about the seemingly endless abyss between now and then? I have no one who is interested in me anymore it seems. So if I can't hold anyone's interest (proven), why do I try? Okay. My whiny rant is over. I hope you're better off.