A letter from June 13th, 2017

Dear FutureMe, Well, I guess I'm really doing this... god, it sounds like I'm trying to write to my future boss or something. Might as well just get straight to the point, seeing as I'm going to cringe at this no matter how I word it. Seeing as I'm sending this into the ~future~ I'm kinda curious as to how it'll effect my abilities. Hopefully this should reach you (me?) around New Years. Knowing me, I'll already be panicking about my gpa and all that. Just remember to keep on trekking. It'll all be over in a few years, so make it worth it. That essay will take less time if done with friends (or at least will be more enjoyable.) your worth is not determined by your grades, and you can always retake classes. If you're procrastinating right now by reading this, take the time to just do the assignment, if just to brag. Please, do yourself a favor. So, the friend situation..... you know what I'm talking about hopefully. If you end up screwing it up, know that you'll be okay. You did just fine before them. Sometimes it's easier to not be attached to anyone for awhile. This is a good thing. I know they can be pretty,,, overbearing to say the least. Just tell them. Don't stick around waiting for them to grow up if you end up in that situation. If they really need you, they'll figure out it on their own. They managed without you before. It's okay to feel like this. You're older, it's not completely their fault. If you do get it sorted out, good job. Past me is proud and honestly quite surprised. The other friend group is good friends too. Don't push them away. (Besides butterfly she's pretty terrible to you tbh) you don't need to always be around the same three people. You aren't betraying them, and you are your own person who can interact with more than a small circle of people. Please. Speaking from your more emotionally sound self. (It's summer okay, I've spent awhile pondering this.) I know you'll still probably have my mental issues, things that just won't go away. You are aren't worthless. I promise you this. I'm not one to have a big ego, but let yourself be more confident. Rebel once and a while. disassociating is a thing you might want to seek help for if it gets worse. Remember, you've had to deal with this your whole life, it might be time. Try to keep something to scratch at or squeeze if you feel the other things acting up. Talk to people instead of hurting yourself over things you can't change. As of writing this, I'm just now realizing that the reasons for the incompetence you feel is not your fault. I know this probably won't dissuade you, but know you aren't alone. Art wise, you can only go up if you acknowledge you are underground. Remember where you were three years ago. Competition is healthy, but I of all people know how far you'll take it. There's a reason you picked this hobby up in the first place. Not to be the best, but because you love it. Express yourself. Make friends, make positive memories, and make good art. Remember your deck of cards and the cards you hold. I'm assuming at least a few people have seen them, and I honestly hope it went well. Even if it didn't, it's their loss. Those cards are real despite what people might tell you. Only you know. You aren't making it up, be confident. Orange can always help, she understands the situation the best. Don't drift to far from her either, despite what the others say. You can choose to have other friends. Humans have an incredible ability to change their life completely everyday. You're probably in a place I can't even imagine right now. Whether the moments good or bad, you'll be okay. You are not the sum of just your mistakes. You have a way of bouncing back when hit. And life will hit you hard, you just gotta get back up every time you fall. Falling means little if you're already pushing yourself back up off the ground. You'll be okay. You'll be okay.