From The Cidney Of 2009...

If your reading this that means it was actually successful, I highly doubt it will ever be received but here goes¡¦ Dear future Cidney, I have no idea exactly how long it will take for this letter to reach its destination, it was written on December 10th, 2009. I hope that when I read this, years from now, I am finally satisfied with who I am. I¡¯m pretty sure you¡¯ll remember yourself pretty clearly when you were seventeen years old. Scared, unsure, completely terrified by how you would turn out. You¡¯ll remember all those feelings that you felt, unworthy, ugly, stupid, incomplete, angry. I hope you¡¯ve out grown those feelings now. I hope you¡¯ve come to the realization that none of it was your fault. Nothing that Mike ever did actually has anything to do with you. I hope you finally understand that he was a broken man who was also unable to love himself to the point that he couldn¡¯t love any one else in a healthy, normal way. I hope you understand that life is really worth living. And I hope you¡¯ve learned to actually LIVE it! I hope you¡¯ve come to peace with who you are. I hope you¡¯re finally able to see that you are pretty. That you are smart. That you are funny and kind. That you are lovable. I hope you have finally come to grips with your hatred and anger. I hope you have a loving and stable life. I hope you¡¯ve finally found the one, and I hope you have children. I hope you¡¯re still as close to Momma as you always have been. I hope you¡¯re finally well, and healed. I hope you read this and think of it as a victory. Mostly, I hope you remember me. I hope you haven¡¯t let go of me completely, I hope I¡¯m still there with you in the future, whoever you may be, I hope you love me, I hope you¡¯re grateful for me. I know that in a few years I wont be the same, I¡¯ll have changed, I hope those changes have been for the better. But I hope you can look back at the memories of now, of my moment, of my reality, and I hope you see now everything I couldn¡¯t, I hope you see the good things, I hope you don¡¯t focus so much on the bad but I want you to remember them too, because its apart of you, whether we like it or not, it is. I¡¯ve tried all that I can and I hope that its been enough for you. I also hope that you¡¯ll write back to this, and I hope I haven¡¯t changed so much that you think that¡¯s silly now. -With all my heart and soul, The Cidney you once were... P,S You had better still love: Music. Twilight. Diet Pepsi. John Cena. Hawthorne Heights. Zebra prints. Eyeliner. And Chuck Taylors. I also really hope you got that third tattoo or in the very least bungee jumped¡¦ Oh, and Congratulations on surviving 2012, I wonder how that turned out¡¦ X¢¾X¢¾O.