A letter from November 22nd, 2017

is it selfish to want some attention? is it foolish to send pictures of me crying because of a poem i read relating to my father, to later realize that maybe nobody cares when nobody responds or when someone changes the subject maybe i want new friends maybe i want them to stop being so judgmental when i talk to someone new who is considered cringe worthy it is okay to make new friends i just want some comfort here and there i want the spotlight to be on me when i have something that gets me upset i don't want you to make it noticeable that you saw how i was feeling and purposely ignored it i send pictures of me crying, paragraphs of me hurting just to see if you'll react and you don't maybe it is all in my head but right now it doesn't seem like it is is it sad that i have no one to talk about this to but myself? it has come to the point where i am e-mailing this to myself maybe this will never be found again lost in the pile of college acceptances and job oppurtunities maybe email will be abandoned and i'm just writing this for myself. i can't open this until my senior year of high school and i am currently a sophomore. i want to talk to you about it but i can't seem to find the right words i can't talk about it to anyone i am not depressed i am pissed i am tired i want new friends