A letter from January 7th, 2018

Dear 20 year old me, I hope you forget that I actually sent this e-mail. Things have been rough, I know. You’ve got to get through it and I know, god, I know 2017 was such a rough patch. Don’t let your past hold you back. Stay your confident and amazing self because if you let sadness get in the way of your life, then you’re done for. Even if you have a psychotic disorder, please, don’t let it take over your life. Maybe start to actually take your medication? It’ll help a lot. Don’t let your negativity surround your life. Don’t let your family hold you back from doing great things. I hope by this time you’ve graduated high school, since you were about 2-3 years behind schedule. I hope you’ve grown into a fine human being, finding your true sense of self. Stick with your friends, they’re here to help you. Not to be an enemy behind your back. Even though people have done that so many times, trust your gut. Positive things will happen, a positive change will happen. It all takes time. I hope you’ve already got your drivers license. I hope you got a stable job. I hope you’ve moved out. I hope you find a partner you can stand to be with. Love. Love, love, love. Everything will shape who you are. Keep writing, that’s something that will become handy later in life. Keep playing guitar and I hope you’ve gotten back into violin and piano. I know you’ve been crushing on that boy since you were 15. Today is January seventh, today was a day you saw him again. Your legs shook and you thought you might could actually very well die, but was just you being overly dramatic. Maybe seeing him when you’re an adult (in a couple months from now) things will change between you two. This isn’t a missed opportunity, go for it even if he doesn’t like you back. Something good might come out of it. But do not, and I mean do not let anyone or any man to hold you back. I hope you’ve become truly happy with your life because you really do need it. Love yourself and surround yourself with positivity and go for in life, achieve your dreams.