A letter from January 25th, 2018

Dear FutureMe, Hope you're ok. I know you have to work out all this stuff for college and stuff. Maybe you have or want a job. Maybe you've been duel-enrolled. Maybe you're doing something else. I don't know. But I do know this much. You're tired. You're working your tail off to look good in front of colleges, peers, teachers, parents, heck, maybe even yourself. You're probably not sleeping well and I doubt you're keeping up perfectly in every class you take. I know you feel like a scared little kid. How do I know? Because in the time of writing this, I am just now learning to accept my imperfect mental health. I am learning that I will not always be ok. Sometimes I will, for whatever reason, not feel mentally alright in a class. I'm learning to be vocal about what I want and what I need. Most of my teachers are very kind, so please ask for help if you need it. Asking to be allowed to put your head down or have an extra day for an assignment may feel intimidating, but you deserve it. I also give you my complete permission to let your grades slip if that's what it takes to take care of yourself. i wonder sometimes what my 8-year-old self would think of the crap I've gotten myself into since middle school. I don't know how that little girl would feel, but I'm telling you right this moment that your 16-year-old self wants, more than anything, not to go to some fancy-shmancy college (though that's cool too), but for you to be ok. To grow up to help people. To maybe be a foster mom. Maybe to help people by genetic counseling or pharmacology. But if you change your mind, that's ok with me. I will not be disappointed in you. Never worry about what your younger self would think of your decisions, because I am her, and I only want you to take good care of yourself. If that means only being accepted to UNG, then that's ok. We'll make a way, we'll figure something out. Just make sure to take care of yourself now before you worry about next year, because if you're not ok now, next year may or may not come. And being sad and scared all the time will lead you to not even enjoy the things you worked so hard for. Get help if you need it. Go to bed early if you need it. Eat something today. Don't worry about making me proud. Worry about keeping yourself afloat. I believe in you, That Little Voice Saying You're Gonna Make It