A letter from April 2nd, 2018

Dear Gemma, You have finally done the thing that I had always hoped for us! No, you haven't got a degree, we don't care about that anymore, let's be honest, we never did. Yes, you broke up with Ryan but I don't mean that either. What I mean is that you finally started to fight for yourself. You got up again, you squared up, you took a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and for the first time in your life, you were kind to yourself. We have a lot of healing to do. I know right now there are dark places- inside of you, that you haven't touched in years, but I know you will treat yourself with the love and kindness that you crave & deserve. . You have come so far into maturity, acceptance and peace. So much further than I imagined was possible. I can appreciate now how brave it was, to set out on this journey with no plan at all except to know that I couldn't stay as I was one second longer. It takes courage to choose your own life. In truth, I'm still not sure where im going and I'm excited to see what I'm doing when this e- mail finds me. I only have a few requests of you this time. Although small in number they are not small on enormity, so I apologise for that. One, I think it is time to heal things with your mother. Or if you can't find healing with her, then find healing in spite of her. You've spent too much blood being broken for her, maybe acceptance needs to happen if change cannot. secondly, take a long moment to tell future me all about Kendall. Because right now she is like that cool breeze on a summer's day. A deep drink from a glass of water. She is just so pure right now. All imagination and want. I can see her learning language and kindness and spirit. Nothing is more healing than her kiss. I hope you keep doing what you are doing with her. I think if mum taught me anything its that nothing can protect us from tote, not really. All I can do for Kendall is show her how to love herself and how to be brave when she is afraid and now to dream when she is lost. I am right now looking out at a beautiful city, from a house that is entirely my 0Wh, in a country I never thought I would live in. 27, but finally feeling like I'm living. I'm not at all afraid to be 29. All my love and hope, your 27 year old self.