A letter from January 26th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, Things are a bit dull and exciting at the same time. It's a good contrast, but not, at the same time. You know what I mean? It seems like being balanced with the life you've always wanted causes consequences like being bored even though you're always on the go. Honestly I think it's really just me -- to be fair, it's always been me, the root of all these problems. I wanted to be content and safe and perfectly happy, doing what I want to do. But as I continuously jump on this comfortable ride, I feel stagnant and utterly.. pointless. i mean, I do have a sense of purpose but I feel like churning out good art, which I know will come out from the secret corners of my mind (and heart) ONLY if I choose to distract and disrupt my steady trip to success. It's a constant battle between choosing to feel okay and to not but create my art. So I find myself deciding to be a little daredevil over the next few days but I dunno. You know I change my mind pretty quickly. Complication is my middle name. I love being adventurous (but yeah, it is scary but it's what makes like worth living). Hope that wherever you are and whatever you're doing now, you've figured this shit out. You're a strong woman. Publish a book! Haha. xoxo, M.