A letter from January 26th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, why does it continue to hurt? why do i continue to swim? why do i continue to try to save a season when it died before it was even conceived? why haven't i quit yet? these are all of my thoughts going into junior year track season. i just got a stress fracture and took 5 whole weeks off, and today i took my first few running steps again, and it hurt like hell. I'm currently typing this, on ice and ibuprofen, trying to make back the weeks of recovery i just lost from A FEW FUCKING STEPS!!! nothing has worked. my friends continue to training will have magnificent seasons. but not me. no, despite loving this sport more than anyone i know, training harder than everyone i know, and being the most serious person about their future in this sport, IM the one who gets a season ending injury. but i still hold on to hope. hope that this season will go great, im even gonna call it right now, THIS SEASON WILL BE FUCKING AMAZING, ILL RUN SUB 4:35 AND SUB 9:45!!! there, if you are reading this in the future, i hope you have a smile on your face and you remember this as the darkness before the dawn,