A letter from January 8th, 2020

Dear Katie, Your dreams at the time of writing (08/01/2020) are more defined than they’ve ever been - you know where you want to be, what scholarships you’re thinking about, what programs, what precise achievements you’re going to accomplish in each year. But this order masks a deeper ambivalence and confusion over who you are and what you want to do with the rest of your life and energy. I hope now that you have something approaching an answer. If you don’t, here are several points that bear reminding - to help you re-orient yourself in this grand journey we call life: 1. You are talented. 2. But more importantly, you are loved. 3. You are flawed. 4. You are allowed to make mistakes. The world will not end. 5. A full life is one made richer through the juxtaposition of pain with joy, grief with rebirth. Celebrate your successes, laugh at your failures, enjoy the quiet moments with people you love. 6. Depend on others. It’s painful and terrifying but essential. I don’t know what the future holds. I expect that you will feel the same as I do right now - it’s best to avoid making predictions for fear of tempting fate. But I hope that you feel satisfied. That you are able to look upon what has happened and what you’ve done - not just professionally, but personally - in your relationships and in who you are as an individual - and feel that on the whole, you’ve done well. It doesn’t need to be perfect, and it never will be. But I hope you can find a sense of fullness in that imperfection anyway. I hope you can learn to release your fears of the future just enough - climate change, migration, money, success, love, health, family - so that you can learn to live in the present, and enjoy what you have. I hope the feeling in your chest eases - if only a little bit. If you haven’t met these goals, I also want you to know that it’s going to be okay. But this should serve as a fierce reminder for you to change. Remember what we know now - if a choice must be made between survival and death - we must always choose survival. Even if death is far into the future and feels better now. Even if the choice seems impossibly painful, and like it will upend everything - all our carefully laid plans and machinations. If a choice must be made, it must be made. Don’t hesitate. Pivot. Pull the trigger - start the process of breaking your bones so that you can heal - for the future we know we want. I love you. And I hope that statement rings truer. You can’t microwave a salad, KT <3