A letter from April 11th, 2020

Dear Future Me, I hope this email finds you well. Usually when someone starts an email that way, it's of course not really genuine. It's more of a formality that you place before the actual email in order to not seem brash. However, in this case I truly mean it. Call me selfish but who doesn't want their future self to be in a good place. I hope you're in a better place than I am. The worlds a weird place right now. COVID-19 has essentially ruined my senior year. Although that pales in comparison to the loss the world has experienced due to this virus. Today, there have been 1.5 million cases worldwide, half a million cases in the U.S., and over 100,000 fatalities. We are currently in quarantine. No school, no dance, no eating out with friends, and worst of all no idea of when this will all be over. I find comfort in the fact that you know the answer to when it will be over (hopefully). I desperately want things to go back to normal. But enough about this awful virus. This isn't a historical journal. If I had to guess where you were right now, I couldn't. Right now I have no idea where I'm going to college. Now I'm not a slacker who hasn't applied anywhere yet, in fact I'm quite the opposite. I've applied and been accepted into three colleges. Which out of the three I'll attend? I have no fucking clue. My three options right now are Lindenwood University in St. Charles, Missouri, St. Johns University in Queens, New York, and The University of Michigan - Dearborn in (duh) Dearborn, Michigan. I have auditioned and been accepted into Lindenwood's dance program and received a performing arts scholarship. This is a pretty big deal considering I BOMBED the ballet portion of the audition. I mean absolutely bombed. I don't know why I'm telling you this because I know you remember. I mean that (alongside my all american audition at dance camp this summer) will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Anyway, this seemed like my dream school (it still might be) and I was fully ready to become a lion. That is, until I received an email from The University of Michigan's head dance team coach. She had informed me that I had made it to the third round of tryouts. This was great news but it didn't mean much considering I missed the deadline to apply for the University of Michigan. So, I politely emailed back thanking her for the opportunity and explained my dilemma. I thought that would be the end of it. Then I received another email from her that said she has other options for me and wanted to call me. So, the next day I talked to her. I found out I can apply to the other University of Michigan locations. So, I applied to Dearborn right after getting off the phone. I then filmed everything for the audition, which was quite the process. After submitting, I found out I was selected to be interviewed. The interview went great. I was a little starstruck when the Eisenhower Head Coach popped up on the zoom meeting and asked me a question, but it went great. Its been a total of four weeks since the audition process started, so I should be finding out if I made the team or not soon. Either way, I'm just happy to have made it this far. Then there is St. Johns. Its a catholic school in Queens, New York. They have an amazing dance team and are 2020 national D1 hip-hop champions. Not only is the school appealing because of their team but, HELLO its in New York. That could be just the change I'm looking for. But alas, just like the other two schools, I have no idea if this is where I will go. I hope I make the right decision, for both our sakes. Right now, its 2:22 am and I'm listening to Lorde's album Melodrama while writing this email. This is definitely my favorite album of all time and has been since it came out. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that statement still holds true a year from now. I'm also going through a pretty intense 90s/early 2000s RnB kick. My current favorite movie is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was recently added to Netflix and I've been an emotional wreck since. I'm not sure why this movie has such an affect on me, but maybe you'll know the answer to that. My friendships have really been getting me through this time. Especially, my best friend Addison. We have grown so close this past year and now not a day goes by that I don't talk to her in some form or fashion. She is truly a light in my life. I am forever grateful for her. I don't know how I'm going to survive next year without her. There is also Caedmon. We have been friends since the seventh grade but our friendship has grown even stronger this past year. This is probably due the fact that he came out to me late last year. It wasn't shocking or anything but I'm glad he finally felt comfortable enough to tell me. It has made me so happy to see him grow and become more comfortable with himself. I've also got Rane, Sydnee, Grass, and Elysia. Rane and I may not hang out often, but when we do we pick back up right where we left off. Sydnee and I have started to reconnect and I'm so excited to spend my last summer here with her. Elysia is a beautiful soul who I swear will be president some day. I don't think she has any interest in being in office, but I personally think she would be great. My love life is pretty non existent right now. I've had a few things here and there but nothing truly serious. I'm okay with it though, I'm not meant to be with somebody here and I have accepted that. You on the other hand, have no excuse. So, I hope your love life is actually interesting. I'll leave you with my favorite quote from (shocker) The Perks of Being a Wallflower. We accept the love we think we deserve. Take from that whatever you want. What it means to me now and you might be completely different and that is okay. Growth is a natural, yet hard, part of life. I've really enjoyed writing this email. It has been very therapeutic. Sincerely, Past You??