A letter from December 27th, 2016

Dear FutureMe, I read this tumblr post today. It said how horrifying the fact is that.. if you disappeared, no one would really care becauae you're not special to them. Because you're not their priority. You know honey, you matter to me. Okay? I dont know what you're doing rn or what you'll do later or whatever but i do know that you're safe and you're alive and that I'm here for you always. People are ignoring me you know, honeybun. You needn't know who is. You just need to know that you're being ignored. And that's all. It was important to shut down whatsapp for a day or two or three or until whenevr i am not well. Because mental wellness is so very important. You know. Just.. you're really precious. For me. I dont know if you found the soulmate yet, idk whats happening, but i do know that you're alive and you have to live. Its the game of life and you have to win. You will not die before you are meant to die. You will survive. You will.. You will be better than what you are now. You know cutie, i realized how we just have to race ourselves. I play this game (prob won't anymore cause i won the best cup. I lost interest now) called hill climb racing 2 and there's this adventure mode where you race and the next time you do you race yourself. I hope you know what it means. Teaches such a great thing yknow. Like.. its so good. We just have to race ourselves and we'll leave everyone behind. I lost hope for love. You know, just.. my heart rn. Is so.. weak. It just feels so very sad. So so so so so sad. I dont wanna feel this. "Jeez you are 18, Not 38. You'll find someone" Now it just feels like I'm desperate when I'm not. I just like to be loved. It hurts now. But I'm with you okay? You're 19. You're loved. By yourself. I love you Honey. I love you so much please take care of yourself. Take care of me. Love you. Goodnight. ,